Duckfighter Illustrated: Not Suitable for Children Special Edition

SCOTT WOODWARD NEEDS TO RESIGN

STEVE SARKISIAN NEEDS TO BE FIRED

COACHING SEARCH BEGINS ON MONTLAKE

DUCKS BACK IN ACTION THIS WEEK

BRUINS HAVE A BYE

STANFORD HAS TWO BYES THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

MUCH BETTER GAMES ON TAP THIS WEEK

Huskies looking for “Big Name” to replace Sark

Race Bannon

Sources at the Not Quite as Nice as Oregon Center on Montlake say that the next Husky coach will understand that Husky fans get more excited at a third down stop than they do about a first down by the offense. Therefore look for John Mackovic to finally get the call to coach the Washington Huskies. The new AD will be Martha Manninghater, in an effort to continue the kind of diverse hiring that has destroyed a once proud program that won seven games every year under Don James by playing Idaho State.

Some people think we’re going to learn something over the looming four game losing streak. Some of us already know. Sark is a failure. Nothing has changed. The Pool Boy plan to schedule down to a non-conference schedule loaded with crap has apparently fooled quite a few fans. Compiling lots of stats and offense and fireworks while beating glorified high school teams does not cover up the recruiting failures and lack of quality line play or defenders. Jason Wilcox, the latest hero at Montlake, will find that his defense is quite helpless against a Pac 12 offense. Same as it ever was.

This week the Arizona Wildcats, led by Coach Mel Torme come to Quest Field at Todd Turner Park at still without a statue of Don James Pool Boy Stadium. Arizona was not serious about football when Don James was winning seven games every year with 125 scholarship athletes. And playing Idaho State.

You might want to have your children leave the room for the next sentence.

As always, doogs gotta fucking doog.

Arizona 35, UW 17

Mike Leach throws sand in the 98 pound weakling’s face

Rob Bobertson

The 3-1 Washington State Coughers, fueled by a 47 point comeback in the waning minutes of last year’s Apple Cup improved to 3-1 with a rousing win over longtime rival Idaho at Martin P. Vandal stadium. The win assured Mike Leach a four win season in only his second year at Pullman.

Leach celebrated the big rival win by extending a friendly "Fuck You" to the Idaho coach whose name was unavailable as we went to press. (editor's note: Don't ever question Mr. Bobertson's work ethic).

Next up is a visit from the bullies from Palo Alto, even though there is no Montlake District and Stanford isn’t in Palo Alto. Most experts expect a blood bath.

Stanford 66, WSU 12

Dot and Dash and Dot

Bama scored another special team touchdown…just like Don James did to win seven games every year playing Idaho State…My Bruins take the week off to try to extend Jim L. Mora’s contract even though UW is way too stupid to ever hire him…Oregon returns to action to hang 70 on Cal…lots of teams hung 70 this weekend past…USC and ASU meet in a battle of underachieving squads…LSU travels to Georgia and Bama travels to Ole Miss in a couple of great SEC match ups…Oregon State upset San Diego State and now hopes to do the same to Colorado…I knew when I took this gig that I had material for about four weeks…oh well, thanks for reading!