Duckfighter Illustrated: Mailing it in Special Edition

BYE WEEK

SEASON IS OVER

I DON'T CARE

THIS ISSUE WILL REFLECT ALL OF ABOVE

Bruins take Ducks well into third quarter before collapsing

Race Bannon

Can we get a Go Huskies! cheer going in this place? What's up with my Dawgs! WOOF! Since I wasn't asked to speak at the Memorial Service for the recently departed Don James I thought I would use my prepared remarks here. Reports indicate that the appearance of Steve Sarkisian was a black eye for Oregon. Oh well, he's just like Don James.

I was watching Oregon play UCLA Saturday and was impressed with the Bruin defense and horrified by their offense. Give the Ducks credit, they have a big league defense, but the UCLA offense with the mis read option is a pathetic sight to behold. In the end the Ducks ran away from a 14-14 tie to a 42-14 win which brought back memories of a similar scenario lo those many years ago when Washington could actually beat Oregon.

The pressure mounts on the imploding Jim Mora who has yet to win a championship  or beat Stanford or Oregon in his first 25 games as head coach. Sark rebuffed the Bruins offer to take over for the bridge burning Mora.

Meanwhile Steve Sarkisian pulled to .500 in league play in only his 5th season at Washington with a sleep inducing rout of the beleaguered Cal Bears. Sark won his 20th Pac 12 game against only 20 losses in league play. With Arizona serious and Oregon State ranked sometimes it is an accomplishment every bit as impressive as anything Don James did. We're just lucky that Sark even coaches here at all with the way that some posters treat him. The kind of incremental improvement that a 4th consecutive 7-6 season will show  should be grounds for a raise and extension.

Miami survived Wake Forest to remain the worst unbeaten team in America since Texas Tech lost to Oklahoma. You have no idea of the damage that Mike Leach did. Florida State curb stomped NC State and pillaged their women in a nifty 35-0 1st quarter as they warmed up for a renewal of the Canes v Noles this Saturday night. It's the only game worth a bucket of warm spit on the schedule, and it is a mirage of the former battle of the unbeatens these two institutions of higher learning used to put on back in the day.

Alabama accepted the Tennessee challenge and cruised to a 35-0 halftime lead which was enough to convince poll voters that the Duck's best win this season was as meaningless as their wins over any of the Pac 12 patsies they have played so far. If Oregon doesn't make it to the Championship Game Mike Hiefreich needs to be burned in an industrial accident.

Stanford showed they are no threat by beating the even more unthreatening Beavers of Oregon State as Mike Riley moved half way to his 4 loss minimum. He sure gets more with less but who the frack really cares? I want more with more but I'm not going to get it on Montlake hard by East Queen Anne where the Huskies roam and mediocrity is celebrated as a way of life. We continue to get served the yellow snow and are told it is colored rain.

There is no report on the Husky game because I smoked it all in honor of Oregon and fell asleep in the first half. Last I heard UW won or something. I guess I'm just like Royal Broughm except I don't call Black players colored or boy. How's that for a gratuitous shot at a distant generation? Thank you.

It looks like I have put enough words here to get paid for this week so in closing I would direct you to our last two issues where I detailed the collapse of Husky Football and the shoddy treatment of a now no longer living legend, Don James. Study them hard and teach your children. Maybe your grandchildren can enjoy a season that extends into October some day. Hell, the 2014 season is over if Sark comes back, and he will.

Husky of the Week is Reggie Rogers, a tough liberal who smashed Chris Miller's face in. Rumor has it that he ran into some issues later in life, but we only report what happens on the field. RIP Reggie, we all drive a little safer today.

Hopefully you are all offended and will never read this again. Fuck off