Duckfighter Illustrated: Hell Freezes Over Special Report

HELL FREEZES OVER SPECIAL REPORT

CAVS WIN TITLE FOR CLEVELAND
EAGLES REUNITE
GLENN FREY IS STILL DEAD
CUBS BEST IN MLB
HUSKIES TOP 5 TEAM

THE WORLD HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
RACE BANNON
Washington and Miami are unbeaten Top Ten teams. Nebraska is unbeaten. Oregon sucks. It's the early 90's all over again and all we need now is a Clinton to get elected President. (not really but most of my readers are fags and will like that line)
Stanford has a great Denny Green type coach who is widely respected and curb stomped by Washington. USC is squandering talent with a Ted Tollner type coach. Colorado is making noise on the national scene again.
When does Vanilla Ice drop his next single?
WE and I do mean WE since I played a MAJOR role, ran all over and beat up and abused the bully on the West Coast block, the Stanford Indians who are led by a pale faced warrior who doesn't travel well. At all. The GREAT Husky defense shut down, pass rushed, and Haka danced on the grave of the 5 time defending Pac 12 champions.
Jake the Snake Cobra Brownsocks Browning took a big step towards losing the least flattering nick name of the three he currently has. He ran a lay up line over the confused Card defenders as that high end SEC speed that UW has blew the Card out of the stadium.
Husky Stadium was alive and Carol James, the widow of Don James, was honored at the end of the Third quarter as the Husky Legend and architect of the famous 1991 National Champion Hurricane squad. The crowd was wild and we will need every one of them to be recovered and ready to go for the big Oregon game this week at Dubai Porta Potty Field at Jen Cohen Stadium.
I asked Mallard N. Moore to provide an inside look at the mood in Eugene as the Ducks come off a blowout loss to the Cougs and are now in TSIO mode around the time the Huskies have been for over a decade.
"It's a tense mood in Eugene as Duck fans wait to see if Phil Knight can be awakened from his cryogenic sleep long enough to fire Mike Helfrich and pay Chip whatever it takes to lure him away from the SF bath houses.
Fans are so upset and disillusioned that the Autzen Parking Lot rapist announced that he would nolonger be attending the games. Fans are getting raped and abused enough just watching the team play"
Thank you for the report Mallard. Our heart goes out to the classy Duck fans and the classy Duck program that has so humbly and classily kicked our ass 12 years running. The streak stops here.
Washington's last two wins were 42-14 and 42-10. Sounds about right
UW 84, Oregon 24
ODDS AND ENDS
Nothing else matters except Husky Football...fuck the Pac 12...Louisville v Clemson was a great game...too bad the Cardinal receiver bet on Clemson and ran out of bounds short of the first down...all time great Lamar Jackson kicked his ass in the locker room...well deserved...Bama beat Kentucky for the 81st time in a row...beat Oregon...nothing else matters...at all... or don't come home.

IF THE PLAYOFFS BEGAN TODAY
Bama
Ohio State
Clemson
Washington
WE WANT BAMA!