Duckfighter Illustrated: Blacked Out Special Edition

ANEMIC DAWGS FALL TO STANFORD

BRUINS BEAT UP SUN DEVILS

WSU WON?

BIG WEEK ON TAP FOR COLLEGE FOOTBALL

 

YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM

RACE BANNON

UW's wunderkind coach felt the first heat of his career here from legitimate internet outlets as the Huskies ineptly stumbled through a disheartening loss to the bumbling Trees of Stanford at sun soaked Husky Stadium  before a sellout crowd. Nobody runs on a sentence like I do. And no coach is as famous for trick plays as Chris Petersen. Everyone loves a winner and everyone loves a trick play that works, but when they fail nobody looks more stupid than the man that called it.

A failed fake punt set up the struggling Stanford offense for the go ahead score in the fourth quarter of a dreck filled contest. Stanford moved the ball with relative ease most of the day but their now expected red zone bungles, penalties, and turnovers kept the scrappy Dawgs in the game.

The Huskies did not move the ball with any alacrity at all. In fact they matriculated the ball down the field the way that the Animal House crew matriculated at Farber College. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to move the ball.

Washington falls to 0-1 on the season and now faces a bye week to prepare for Sonny Dykes and the Cal Bears in a must win game to avoid the Pac 12 North basement. There is plenty of work to do for a team that looked as bad as the mediocrity of the last five years. Only the US Ryder Cup team had a worse weekend. No running game and no passing game means no hope against good teams if Petersen can't get it figured out.

We have certainly preached patience in this column but there are limits to how long we will wait to see this thing turned around. Cyler Miles showed all the poise of Hunter Mahan on the 18th hole. He was as fearless as Don Knotts in the pocket. Those 12's he beat up must have been 12 years old.

The old saying is that no team is as bad as they look in a defeat or as good as they look in a win. Unfortunately Washington hasn't looked all that good in their wins and looked really bad in their loss.

BRUINS OBLITERATE SUN DEVILS

TROY "CUBBY" WADSWORTH III

The UCLA Bruins got a measure of revenge for a bitter home loss last year that cost them the Pac 12 South title. LA's best team fell behind early, the steamrolled the Devils with an impressive array of offense, defense, and special teams. The Bruins had 5 touchdowns over 80 yards in the game. (maybe, just kind of made that up, but it was a few at least)

Not sure who the Bruin head coach is but UW certainly dodged a bullet when he turned them down. Allegedly. Bruin insiders admit to feeling rubbed the wrong way at times but the Bruins are 4-0 and ready to take on Mighty Oregon a week from Saturday.

First the Bruins have to avoid a letdown against Utah. There is an internet rumor that Utah actually lost to WSU. We're trying to track down the veracity of this wild story. Thanks to Larry Scott, Los Angeles does not get the Pac 12 Network. One of the LA teams will be on it this week. Oh well, there's always the SEC Network and CBS.

Speaking of other teams in LA, the USC Trojans looked sharp dancing on the sidelines and beat the well coached Beavers like a rented mule. Next up is a loss to ASU as the Devils hope to get the USC coach fired for the second year in a row. We predict that Wilcox gets sacrificed after the Devils zone read the young, depleted, scholarship reduced Trojans to death.

But USC would never make excuses.

ENDS AND ODDS

The Oregon Ducks return to action Thursday night as they host nemesis Arizona...the game may not be over until Friday morning...66-63 Ducks...WSU and Cal meet in another defense optional game...75-72 Cuogs...Stanford takes on Notre Dame in a game that could decide the Irish playoff hopes...In real college football, the SEC West elimination tourney gets started for real...LSU v Auburn...Bama v Mississippi...Texas A&M v Mississippi State...Whoa nellie! Thanks for reading and avoid sharp objects and high bridges.